Vampires Suck
But Not As Much As This Movie

Vampires Suck bills itself as a 'spoof of vampire movies' when really; it’s just a spoof of the whole twilight series.  I would try to tell you more about the movie but there is no comprehensible 'solid' plot except to make fun of the Twilight movies.

So, this movie is so painfully bad, I won't waste much of my time, or yours, on it. Let's get this painful review out of the way so we can both weep about how far the world has fallen that this tripe is comedy.

The actors did a passable job playing the roles they were given, but this is the same old shit that directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are known for with Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans (I walked out of the theater for Meet the Spartans)

Unlike most of my reviews there is...not much to comment about, the special effects budget was minimal, because there were little special effects. The costume budget was minimal because everyone worse clothing from a thrift store, and handmade shirts; the cast is mostly people you will never see again, save a small role played by Ken Jeong (The Hangover).

The directors need to get past their inability to come up with original movies, and know the difference between plagiarism and satirizing.

Like all things bad, "Vampires Suck" DID have a couple moments where I did chuckle, one that I even laughed at genuinely. But when the only thing funny about your satire movie is making fun of the fan boys (Fang-girls?) that the series produced is fairly sad.

Go Figure, It's a 'You Smell Like Fish' Joke.

Because of all the pop culture references, the jokes relevant only to the past 2 years and next 3, this movie will only be funny if you fit more than one of the following criteria:

  • You pay attention to the social media
  • You know anything about twilight
  • You are over 15 years old and under 40
  • You watch it before 2016

If you like movies like "Meet the Spartans" Its more of the same, if you are like me and were dragged to those movies by friends; this is 'just another' movie like scary movie, meet the Spartans, and every other dated, pop culture killing movie like it.

If you want dated jokes, horrible one liners, hate twilight, and endless homoerotic and sexual jokes. Than by all means Buy Vampires Suck on DVD or on Blue-Ray but I beg you if you must buy it, Just Buy The Digital Copy so you only waste a couple bucks.

The movie is garbage, but it fills a sadly small niche of horror comedy. If you can tolerate zombies instead of vampires; watch "A Little Bit Zombie" instead. It's actually funny, and wont be out-dated in 2 years.

Disagree with our Review? Give your own here!

Do you disagree with our review here? If so, please feel free to submit your own review, let others know what you think and share your story.

› Vampires Suck